Why?

Why is it that the three most difficult admissions in life are “I’m sorry,” “I was wrong,” and “I love you”?

Life Coach Problem Solving Questions

Here are some handy questions to help you with your problem solving.

• Problem identification - What is my concern? Define it…
• Goal definition - What do I want to achieve or change?
• What’s maintaining the problem? Why does it continue to be a problem?
• What are the major features of the problem? Break it down
• What aspects of the problem can be worked with? What can I do?
• Consequences - What might happen? Worst/best case?
• Decision/Action - How and when should I do it?
• Implementation - Do it!
• Evaluation - Did it work?

Rich - Startliving Life Coaching

Money Quote

"Money often costs too much." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

Happiness Quote

"We are more interested in making others believe we are happy than in trying to be happy ourselves." - Francois De La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)

Assertiveness a dilemma.

Many people are not assertive because they are afraid of displeasing others or not being liked. You may avoid some immediate confrontation and unpleasantness by not being assertive. But you could also risk relationships in the long run if you’re constantly unable to assert yourself. This can lead to low self-esteem and lack of confidence and can become a routine way of life for some people.

In my experience as a Life Coach I have found that a lot of people are willing to accept the cost of their unhappiness rather than speak up for themselves. Essentially saying I know I have been wronged or I’m unhappy with something, but I’d rather live with that than explain how I feel to the person responsible.

Being assertive is the balance between being aggressive and passive. You have the right to have feelings and to express these feelings in ways that do not violate the rights of other people. You have the right to be human, to have your needs met, to be able to change your mind, and to make mistakes. You can make your own decisions and to live your own life as you choose as long as this doesn’t hurt others or abuse their rights.

You must remember though - other individuals have a right to respond to your assertiveness, or even be assertive themselves. An encounter with another assertive individual should involve negotiating an agreeable compromise, hopefully with a win win outcome, where everyone is satisfied.

Assertiveness goes hand in hand with a person’s confidence and overall effectiveness. Being assertive can help strengthen relationships, reduce stress, improve your self-image, and make you more successful. On the whole successful people are generally assertive. To be successful, as well as meeting the needs of others you are going to have to have your own needs met. If you can’t assert yourself in this way it will make life far more difficult, and success will be harder to achieve. In effect you become powerless to get your wants and needs met.

At the end of the day, if you’re assertive and aware of your own basic human rights and the rights of others you will get far more out of life for yourself and the people around you.

Remember though – you have the right to be assertive, but never rude or obnoxious. Your assertiveness should never be at the cost of another’s personal feelings or rights.

Rich - Startliving Life Coaching

Quote

"The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education." - Albert Einstein

Quote

"After a time, you may find that 'having' is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as 'wanting'. It is not logical, but it is often true." - Spock, Star Trek

Options Life Coaching Model

No matter what the situation you always have one or more of these options available to you

You can:

Change the situation

Change yourself

Tolerate situation

Leave situation

Life Coaching Tip - Thoughts

Our thoughts create our reality. How do you usually think about yourself? Do you criticize yourself for being stupid, careless or forgetful? Or do you watch yourself with curiosity, respect and compassion?

Stay observant of your self-talk and let go of thoughts and opinions that don't serve you.

Remember – you are the thinker of your thoughts. You are the director and editor of your own movie…..

Quote

"When people are like each other they tend to like each other." - Anthony Robbins

Relaxation - thoughts of a Life Coach

I haven’t got time to relax – really? Have you got time not too?

Being able to relax is important to achieving optimal performance and health. You name it; being relaxed will increase your productivity in it. If you're not relaxed, everything you do will be a struggle. Relaxation provides mind-body integration necessary for peak performance.

It is important to relax to get your mind clear and your body tension free; to regain focus and to cool down and to help return to a balanced physical state. Relaxation is vital for a healthy mind and is required to maintain motivation and interest in our lives and careers. Not being able to relax and unwind can be damaging to your health. Even when there are huge demands on your life, you may have a large family, an important career, and a home amongst your other weekly commitments - it is still necessary to find your own time and space to relax.

It is very important that throughout the day we find time to relax. Twenty minutes, two or three times a day, is preferred. If you can’t manage twenty minutes, it’s important to realise that whatever amount of time you do manage to get to relax will be beneficial to your mind and body, even if not noticeably so.

When time is short there are a number of things you can do: reading, writing, daydreaming or just sitting quietly. Quite often what ever you do to relax will be personal and work for you, so you need to find what works best.

As a Life Coach I have worked with numerous people with issues relating to relaxation and stress etc. It’s interesting that initially many find it difficult to slow down and see the benefits of taking more time out. However after a few weeks and a couple of life coaching sessions focused on this area, and a bit of commitment on their part, most change their ways and wax lyrical about the benefits to their lives.

Some of the common benefits of relaxation are:

• It improves your ability to concentrate. It will help you in your ability to tune out distractions and gives you better sensory awareness.
• It improves body awareness; you need to know when you are under or over doing it.
• It speeds up healing time following an injury and fatigue, the body needs to recover fully if it’s going to perform at an optimal level in the near future.
• Learning is enhanced, it is much easier to introduce new thoughts and ideas when your mind is clear and you are relaxed. Skills are best learned when you are in a relaxed state and there is an absence of tension.
• It helps you sleep better
• You become more efficient
• It puts your focus back on the present and gives you a sense of control
• It increases energy

If you don’t take the time to unwind and relax regularly, you might be putting not only your own health and well-being at risk but also that of others as well.

In relation to your responsibility to the health and safety of others; we only have to think of driving a car, or operating machinery, and how our ability to do these tasks diminishes when we are tense, tired and stressed. So in fact our responsibility to relax is not just for our own sake but also for that of others.

With regards to our own health and emotional well-being, if we don’t make time to relax regularly we are putting our health and mental health at risk of failure. Some of the effects of lack of relaxation are below:

• Headache, common ones being tension headaches and migraines. Controlling tension and relaxing can help migraines. Tension headaches are susceptible by definition to treatment by relaxation.
• Chronic fatigue, your body is in a total sate of fatigue. You suffer from total lack of energy and motivation all of the time.
• Cardiovascular disorders, high blood pressure and heart disease, heart attack.
• Gastrointestinal problems, diarrhoea, constipation and stomach ulcers as well as indigestion and heartburn.
• Poor immune system, becoming susceptible to illness

Early warning signs that we need to have a break and relax are:

• Yawning/sighing
• Lack of concentration
• Feeling the urge to stretch and move about
• General drop in performance
• Feelings of stress and irritability
• Performing uncommon errors
• Tiredness

If we are aware of the signs and take notice of them and take a break etc, you could avoid a lot of stress and fatigue, you will be more rational and focused, and better equipped to carry on, and be far healthier.

Spending a lifetime of ignoring the signs could impact heavily, not only on your health, well-being and happiness but also those around you. Relationships could suffer as well as your career. On a personal note, the consequences of not taking time to relax over a lifetime could mean you pay the ultimate price.

You say you don’t have time to relax. I say you don’t have time not too. You are your own best resource; you need to take time to nurture and look after yourself.

Questions....

Where do you want to go?

What do you need to change?

Who do you want to be?

What is it you want to achieve?

Life Coaching advantages Vs costs

Some people like to quantify the results from coaching. Here’s a simple example.

A person being paid £50,000 per year who is uninspired and wasting just one hour per day is costing a company approx £6,250 per year

If as a result of some Life Coaching that person can become happier, better motivated and more efficient and re-capture that one hour per day, this translates into a payback to the company of £6,250 per year.

If a group of 25 people have the same Life Coaching and they all receive similar benefits, the return to the company is approx £156,250 per year. (This does not include other benefits to the company such as improved morale, enhanced teamwork, greater creativity, etc.)

Ralph Waldo Emerson Quote

To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others;
to leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Solve a problem without a Life Coach

1. Define the problem

Half of a problem is being able to define it. What exactly is the problem? What’s maintaining the problem? Not the symptoms or related issues. What is the original problem? The root cause. Focus on that, and the symptoms/related issues will disappear.

2. Spend 80% of your time on the solution and 20% of your time worrying about it

As a Life Coach I have found that most of my clients spend 80-90% worrying about the issue and only 10-20% on the solution. If you change this around to 80% solution and 20% worrying, the benefits should be obvious.

3. Treat the problem as a challenge

Own the problem and treat it as a personal challenge that you are going to accomplish, rather than a negative problem you want to avoid. Think of it as a test of your ability. This technique is called re-framing and it is a popular NLP technique that is often used in Life Coaching.

4. Focus entirely on what you want to achieve

Remove all distractions and other thoughts. Focus entirely on the solution to the problem (challenge). One of the keys to accomplishing things is having the ability to focus your attention on them.

5. Brainstorm the problem

Write down as many ideas/possible solutions or anything that’s related to the problem (challenge). Concentrate solely on idea generation. Do this in a limited amount of time, as this is conducive with performance. Alternately if you are familiar with mind-mapping this is an excellent way to brainstorm as new ideas are generated from the ones that you have written down already.

6. Take Action

Follow through and do whatever is necessary to solve the issue. It’s no use talking or thinking about a problem unless you’re actually going to do something about it! Take responsibility and do what is required. It’s amazing who many people just moan and groan but never actually do anything about it…..

Submitting articles to this blog

If you’ve written a Life Coaching related article and you’d like to see it on this blog, email me your article and I’ll consider it.

Get yourself a life coach

Losing your drive? Get yourself a life coach and get out

of the bus lane says Ruth Chambers

Life coaching is becoming fashionable—

professional newspapers are peppered with articles

and promotions for individuals and teams. A

life coach can offer you direct help with your work or

career in the same way that a sports coach urges an

athlete on. So if you’re at a stage in your life where you

seem to have stalled in your career or are feeling

negative about your work or your work-life balance is up

the shoot, why not try a life coach? They’ll help you beat

your negative thinking and focus on what needs to

happen for you to be in more control of your life, move

forward, and be successful.

What does a life coach do?

A good coach motivates and encourages you to improve

your skills, knowledge, and attitudes in your personal

and professional lives. They’ll establish a good rapport

with you, give you constructive feedback, and you’ll set

clear objectives together.1 They’ll stretch and challenge

you and encourage you to solve problems and make

changes by yourself. A good coach is analytical rather

than critical. They depersonalise the problems you

discuss by focusing on facts, outcomes, and performance

rather than your personality or style. So although

it’s all about you, the way they approach coaching

means that you shouldn’t feel threatened or defensive.

Life coaching involves a combination of psychology,

business, and communication skills. Coaches work

through one to one conversations with you, in person or

by email or telephone. Coaching usually starts with an

evaluation of your current effectiveness and your use of

time and your priorities. Your life coach will encourage

you to reflect on how you might build on your strengths

to change your current situation. They will get you to see

for yourself what is stopping you from progressing as far

or as fast as you might otherwise do. They’ll maybe use

mind mapping, visualisation, goal setting, open questioning,

brainstorming, and other action oriented techniques.

If you enrol with a life coach you’ll have someone on

your side. The box describes what it’s all about.2

How does it work?

Staffordshire University recently trialled life coaching for

local GPs, funded by the health authority.3 Three accredited

life coaches undertook coaching of 46 volunteer

GPs in Staffordshire and Shropshire. The life coaches

gave the GPs introductory telephone coaching sessions

to ascertain that coaching was right for them and to

check that they would not be better served by an

alternative intervention, such as counselling or psychotherapy.

Up to six hour-long coaching sessions were

organised over a three month period. The initial session

was face to face and the remaining sessions were

conducted over the telephone, with email support

offered in between coaching sessions if required. All

sessions and support were provided by the same life

coach for each individual GP.

Of the 46 GPs who volunteered and were then offered

coaching after the introductory talk with a life coach, 39

completed more than one—and up to six—coaching

sessions. Seven GPs subsequently failed to commence

the coaching programme because of competing time

commitments.

Most of the GPs (70%) said that coaching was “very

useful” and the majority felt that the series of six

one-hour coaching sessions was about right. They had

noticed a positive change in their effectiveness at work

as a result of coaching—in time management, effectiveness

in consultations, communication and decision

making, organisational skills, and handling paperwork.

Typical comments included, “I am getting to the point,

making decisions and acting on them,” and “I am clearer

about decision making and have time to weigh things up

and then be more effective.”

Half of the doctors coached had made a change to

their career plans as a result of their coaching experience.

Several of these (five GPs) had thought of changing

their career path or giving up work but had now

reconsidered. A middle aged inner city male GP said

coaching had “helped make my decisions more rational.

I might have given up, so having time to talk things

through was very helpful.” A female GP in her early 30s

reported that she “nearly changed jobs and as a result of

the coaching I didn’t.” Other GPs said that they now had

a much clearer idea of what they wanted to do and that

coaching had given them confidence to make decisions.

Three-quarters of the GPs had noted an improvement

in their work-life balance which they attributed to receipt

of life coaching sessions. Typical comments were about

being able to separate home life from work and say “no”.

Several GPs described feeling “less guilty about having

time to yourself, more leisure time,” and experiencing

“increased relaxation.”

Who should your life coach be?

Look for a life coach with loads of experience as a coach

and a professional qualification, for example, in clinical

psychology, occupational psychology, a diploma in

counselling, a master practitionership in neurolinguistic

programming, or psychotherapy. You might prefer a

coach who has worked in the NHS or value the independence

of a coach outside your field.

Ask around, if a colleague, local trust, or professional

body can recommend someone. Look at reliable websites

like www.coachfederation.org, which can match you with

accredited coaches and give you more information about

what to expect from a coach. Have an initial trial and see

if you click—if so, you’re off and away. j

Ruth Chambers professor and clinical dean

Facility of Health and Sciences, Staffordshire University,

r.chambers@staffs.ac.uk

1 Parsloe E, Wray M. Coaching and Mentoring. London: Kogan Page, 2003.

2 Kersley S. Prescription for Change. Cornwall: Runnelstone Books, 2003.

3 Buckley S, Chambers R. An evaluation of GP life coaching in Shropshire

and Staffordshire. Stoke-on-Trent: Staffordshire University, 2005.

What is life coaching about?

x Believing in possibilities

x Being accountable

x Challenging assumptions

x Having a sounding board

x Being motivated

x Having a catalyst for change

x Devising strategies

x Thinking creatively

x Setting and achieving goals

x Being action oriented

x Considering different options

x Deciding what action(s) to take

career focus

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